Friday, May 20, 2016

Turning Old

Today is my birthday. Today I turned old. Well, that's not entirely true. I think I've been old for awhile now, even though my mom still tells me to watch for deer when she knows I'm driving late at night and she still tucks the tags in the back of my shirt when she sees them sticking out.

Birthdays in the past were filled with friends. When I was little, it was the amazing birthday parties my family would host where we would play pin the tail on the donkey, drop the clothespin, play barbies, play outside or rollerblade till our hearts were full and our bodies tired. I'm sure there were presents too, but I just remember the fun.

As I grew older, birthdays still included friends, but instead of having a party in, we'd have an activity out. Maybe it was going out to eat, seeing a movie, or heading to the bar for my 21st birthday (where I had one drink and went home with my smart, responsible friends at 11:30 because it was finals week at college).

Last night, on the eve of my birthday, I was with some friends and we got talking about my plans for the day. I said that honestly I just wanted some quiet time alone. I felt so boring and drab saying that! There was no big outing planned, no friends coming over to celebrate, and honestly I had zero desire for any of that! All I wanted was to sit by myself and read or write or maybe even just stare off into space.

If you're reading this and thinking "introvert" you are correct. I am an extreme introvert with a house full of love and noise, and the best thing I can imagine for my birthday is a little time to myself. I happen to like hanging out by myself, and the hobbies I like most are challenging at best to do in a house full of happy chaos.

So today I sit at Caribou. By myself. The temp is approaching 70, I'm outdoors and there is just enough of a breeze to bring the sweet smell of lilacs to me from time to time. The sun is warm on me, which compliments the cooler in my hand nicely. And the best part? I have quiet. Bliss.

All of this makes me feel old. Because, really? The highlight of my birthday is sitting by myself at Caribou?

Yes, yes it is! And of course I love all the people that are in my house at the moment and I will be delighted to squeeze them and cover them with hugs and kisses when I return, but for now...I'll savor the quiet and allow my spirit to deeply rest in my time away.