Friday, March 9, 2012

Ethiopia - The Hard Goodbye


Dear Feven,
It's hard to think that we leave today.  I don't want to leave you - we just met you!  I don't think that I'm thinking about truly how hard it will be to say goodbye.  How do I even say goodbye?  What does that look like?

I have to keep telling myself that saying goodbye is a step in the process to get to saying hello.  And that next hello will be the forever hello.

We are here with you now!  You weren't a happy camper this morning, so we rocked you to sleep.  Right now I'm torn between wanting to write down memories and just wanting to stare at you.  I get a little teary-eyed as I write I'm crying.  I miss you so much already.  I want us to be here everyday with you so I can rock you to sleep.  I want to be the one caring for you.  I want to be the one to make you smile and giggle.  I pray this next phase of the adoption goes VERY quickly.

I'm sitting in the plane now, looking out at the city lights of Addis one last time before we head down the runway to go home.  Tears are spilling from my eyes as I try to process something that doesn't make sense to me at all.  Why am I even on this plane?  Right now as I sit here I am 15 minutes from you.  This plane is going to take me far, far away.  When I step off this plane again, I will be at least a full day's travel from you.  There has to be some way I can just stay here.  When will I see you again?  Will you be crawling, or even walking the next time I see you?  Will you remember me?

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