Thursday, July 21, 2011

Amber vs. the bugs

My grandma Marion gave me a can of Raid when I went off to college. She knew me well. With Raid in hand, I wouldn't have to touch the bugs to kill them, I could just cover them with a nice mist of poison and they would curl up and die.

I have since used up my can of Raid, but the bugs keep invading my living space. Just last night I went down to take out a load of laundry at about 10:30pm. Every time I go downstairs, I always look around on the floor, walls, and ceiling, to make sure I won't have any bug encounters. It's a habit that I have practiced for at least 15 years now. Things were looking good until I glanced over near the trim on our wood paneling. There, blending in deceitfully with the paneling was a centipede. EW! I took a closer look to see what I was up against, and it had black and white speckled legs. I don't know how that happens, but I swear it's true! I glanced back toward the bathroom to see how close I was to kleenex, and as I did so, I saw something else scurry across the floor. It was long and black, and unidentifiable.

Glancing between the two bugs, I wondered which one to go for first. If I ran for the running bug, would the centipede run away? If I took time to smash the centipede, how far would the runner get? And do I even have the courage to kill either of them?

I opted to stop the running one, so I went quickly to him and promptly slapped him with my flip-flop. That's all it took. One-shot Amber.

After I stopped the runner, I decided that I probably couldn't kill the centipede on my own. It was way too gross. Conveniently, I found myself standing under the laundry chute, so I pointed my head toward the ceiling and yelled, "Zaaac!" Help was on the way.

I started to make my way back to the centipede to keep an eye on him. I'm like one of those pointer dogs who goes duck hunting - I see a gross bug, yell for help, and keep an unwavering eye on the bug to make sure it doesn't get away.

As I was walking toward it, I glanced up to find another centipede on the ceiling above me! I was under full attack. Unfortunately, the ceiling centipede was blocking my basement exit and also blocking me from keeping an eye on wood paneling centipede. Oh dear.

Tears started forming in my eyes - I kid you not. I was totally grossed out. "This is my house!" I thought, "This is where I'm supposed to feel safe! How can I feel safe with these hideous creepy crawlers all over?"

Zac came downstairs and in a very manly effort, killed both centipedes! He was so fast neither had a chance to move an inch! I felt relieved but also had the feeling that there were hundreds more lurking around the basement, ready to fall on me and crawl all over me.

I reluctantly went into the laundry room, looked all around, and slowly opened the lid to the washer. Safe. I began hanging up clothes when I noticed a new spiderweb on the ceiling. Uh-oh. Something was alive and crawling around. When I reached down for another handful of clothes, I saw something moving out of the corner of my eye. It was a spider dropping down from the ceiling! I didn't want to kill him because he was so gross, so I did the only logical thing I could think of - I blew on him. Yes, I blew on him until he started packing his bags and heading back up to the ceiling. Ew ew ew ew ew!

So I guess the count from yesterday is Team Harder: 3, Bugs: 1. Maybe tonight I'll go to battle with the lone spider...


  1. EWWWWW!!!!! And hilarious. I am the SAME way. I usually find spiders in the shower, though (wayyy worse to encounter a bug when you're naked!) and flick water at them... We seem to have more of those pincher bugs than anything else...they are super gross!!!!

    Side note: I also have a grandmother whose name is Marion! (we call her Nana, though)

    Thanks for sharing your bug adventure!

  2. We seem to have more bugs invading our space as well. Deron tells me to blame the heat and matter what is to blame, I don't like it one bit!

  3. Tara, I am totally with you on the fact that it is far worse to encounter a bug when you're naked! Why is that?