Tuesday, November 13, 2012

Convictions: A Plank and a Speck

Recently I was hurt by a friend's words and actions and it was eating me up inside.  I felt that I was treated poorly, and I cycled on these negative thoughts for a good 24 hours.  I had countless conversations with her in my head where I shared what I was feeling (sometimes appropriately, sometimes inappropriately), and I hashed out the details of the situation with Zac over and over to see if I was indeed wronged.  (Yes, I have the best husband ever to sit through this and still love me.)

My childish instincts made me want to do one of two things: hurt her back or never talk to her again.  Very mature, Amber.  Thank goodness I have enough self control to act on neither of those instincts!

Rewind to the day before I was hurt by this friend.  Zac and I were having a great conversation in the car about friends.  We were discussing the people in our lives who bring life and energy to us just by being with them.  We look forward to the times we're together, and linger when we have to say goodbye.  We each listed off a small handful of friends whom we cherished like this.

Fast forward to this morning.  During my devotion time, I started reflecting on what kind of friend I'm being to those "top" people in my life.

What I came up with was this: I've been a pretty crappy friend.

One of these friends has an exciting life change coming up, and I haven't spoken to her in weeks.  Another friend and I have been playing phone tag for nearly two months.  If these are some of my "top" people, whom I value deeply, what in the world am I doing?

Could they say about me that I have treated them poorly?  Is my absence in the friendship hurtful to them?  How am I being perceived in the friendship - as someone who is interested and contributing, or an absent friend who only gives fluff to the friendship and never delivers?

Today I was confronted with my deep deficits as a friend to these special people in my life.  How can I be upset over what I perceived to be a friend hurting me (99.9% chance she doesn't even know I was hurt), and yet completely ignore my crappy job as a friend in these treasured relationships?

I have a large task in front of me - to repair the damage that my laziness has caused in these special friendships of mine.  I'm grateful God has shown me what I need to work on so I can stop feeling sorry for myself because of this friend of mine who hurt me, and instead spend my mental energy thinking on how I can love and care for these people whom I have neglected.  Lord, take this plank out of my eye.  You'll probably need a crane, it's so heavy.  I'm sorry I let it get that big.

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