Sunday, March 6, 2011

The Roller Coaster

Everyone says that adoption is a roller coaster. I've nodded along in agreement as I've heard this again and again, but I think I'm only now starting to understand what that really means.

On March 19, 2010, we were officially placed on the waiting list for 1 child or twins under 12 months old. About one week after we were on the waiting list, we were informed that Ethiopia decided to change their adoption procedure. Instead of making just one trip to Ethiopia, we would now make two. It was a little shock to our system as well as our pocketbook, but we understood the reasons and supported the decision.

The months have worn on, some of them being easy to wait and others more difficult. 2011 brought a difficult waiting period, but since mid-February, things have been on the upswing for me personally and I have not minded the wait much. I've actually been doing alright.

Enter Friday. We received an email from our agency announcing another change. It was disappointing at first because I speculate this new change might make our wait longer. However, as I read more from the adoption world, I wonder what this change signals.

My fear is that Ethiopia will eventually close their doors to International adoptions, as they have been flooded with families willing to adopt the children and I believe they are struggling to keep up with all of the processing. I have no reason to believe this will happen. Please understand, I have NO REASON to believe this is happening or will happen in the near future, it is just an irrational fear of mine today. (I don't want this blog post going viral and freaking out other adoptive parents.) I just wonder. I fear. It's all part of my doubt.

Sometimes when the wait gets long, I doubt if we heard God's voice correctly. Did I just think I heard him, or was he really speaking to our hearts about adoption? As time wears on, I wonder if it was really meant to be. I wonder if we should change our preference to just one child, to ensure we can get matched soon. I'm scared. I'm worried. I wonder if my dream of becoming a mom will ever come true.

So, the roller coaster intensifies. Am I up for the ride? The stakes are high and they continue getting higher.


  1. "un dia a la vez...dame la fuerza para vivir, un dia a la vez..."


  2. Hang on! I know that my family went through some of the same things (though not on an international-scale) during the adoption process.

    Ephesians 1 is a good place for me to go to remember just how grand God's plans are. Just thinking that God predestined me to be His child before the world began baffles my mind. And He has predestined your child(ren) to be yours and, more importantly, His.