Tuesday, May 3, 2011

Divorce Hurts

I woke up crying in the middle of the night on Saturday. I was remembering how Zac sat me down to tell me he wanted a divorce. I cried for how alone I felt, for how altered my future plans were now, and for fear of how I would financially survive without him.

I blinked around the dark room, still sobbing audibly.

I wiped my eyes again and tried to get my bearings.

Wait a minute.

This was the middle of the night. Zac didn't just sit me down to announce his intention to divorce me. Was this just a bad dream?

My mind offered a resounding YES! It was only in a dream that Zac wanted to divorce me.

Even though I started understanding that this was just a bad dream and that I was still happily married, I couldn't stop crying. The feelings of hurt and betrayal felt so real. It was crazy. I ached in the pit of my stomach.

Unfortunately Zac wasn't home, but I needed so badly to hear his voice and have him tell me that this was indeed just a dream. I needed to hear him say he loved me and that he would promise to be with me forever.

The clock read 4:18am as I dialed his number. It was very early in the morning, but I desperately needed his reassurance. He came through for me.

As I reflect on my bad dream, my heart hurts for those who don't wake up from this scenario; for those whom this is their reality. I got a small taste of the tough emotions that come with divorce, and I erupted in sobs. I have no idea how people work through this daily. Please pray with me today for those who have been through or are going through a divorce. It must hurt something awful. I do believe it's one of those things you can never fully recover from.

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