The First Cold

I am sick. I caught my first cold of the season, and I'm not exactly sure where it came from.

Could it be from work? I heard some of my coworkers have been sick.

Could it be from church? I taught Sunday School last weekend and I know kids aren't great about washing their hands.

Could it be from school? I was a gym teacher substitute all last week and saw an average of 225 kids a day. That's a lot of germs.

I suppose it doesn't matter where it came from, all I know is that it's here with me now. As much as I want to be that heroine who's grace-filled and joyful even in sickness, I can be kind of a crybaby when I'm sick.

I feel slow, achy, dirty, and gross. When I breathe, I have to breathe through my mouth only and I sound a little like Darth Vader. When I eat, I have to take small bites, hold my breath, chew quickly, then gasp for a breath. Either that or chew (very unladylike) with my mouth open. My nose is like a faucet, and I am averaging one lotion kleenex box a day.

Now, you're probably wondering why I'm telling you this. The fact is, I'm wondering why I'm telling you this too. Overshare? Perhaps. But stick with me.

I feel gross. I feel ugly. I feel - Ugh.

In the midst of this, my husband came over to me and kissed me on the forehead. In the car yesterday he quietly placed his hand on top of mine. He wrote me a note when I stayed home from work and hid it for me so I'd find it later. The note talked about how sorry he was to know I was sick and how he hoped I felt better. In that note he also wrote how much he loved me.

My husband loves me. In my snotty, gross, sicky-self me, he loves me. He sees the piles of used kleenex by the couch, he hears me at night with my tossing and turning and coughing, and he loves me.

I can't help but think about God's love for me when I think about this situation. God sees our gross selves - not only the snotty noses, etc., but he sees the sin in our hearts. He knows our deceitful thoughts, our judgements, and our apathy. God knows all the gross stuff about us - the really gross stuff - and somehow he still loves us.

That's quite a humbling, powerful love.